We all make mistakes. We all fuck-up.
Sometimes they are little things like bumping into someone at the grocery store. Sometimes we fuck-up with such epic style and aptitude you’d think we were experts at creating misery in our own lives.
And we are.
But not for the reasons you think.
It doesn’t matter what you did or did not do that created the mistake (or regret) in your life. It happened. You can’t take it back. It is in the PAST. You are in the NOW. And right now, you need to stop suffering and start cleaning that shit up.
Some mistakes are easy. You let the laundry pile up. Go do the laundry. You forgot to pay a bill. Go pay the bill. You misplaced your glasses. Go find them. No big deal. We all know how to deal with these kinds of errors in our lives. We correct the error and we move on. No harm, no foul.
Then there are bigger mistakes with bigger consequences.
These are the kind of mistakes that directly fuck-up your life or someone else’s.
These are the kind of mistakes that fill you with self-loathing and dread. They are the things you do that make you secretly wish you were dead or hate yourself or keep you up at night, unable to sleep as you play the scenario out in your head, over and over and over and over again.
These are the kind of mistakes that make you question your integrity as a person.
Most of us, when faced with this kind of mistake, apologize. We ask for forgiveness. Sometimes the offended party grants that forgiveness and sometimes they do not (OUCH!).
We ask our friends for forgiveness.
We ask the credit card company for forgiveness.
We ask the IRS for forgiveness.
We ask the nice lady whose car we just rear-ended for forgiveness.
To Stop Suffering When You Make A Mistake You Must Ask Yourself For Forgiveness
Think about it. When was the last time you forgave yourself for screwing up?
Chances are, not often. Instead, we beat ourselves up. Our internal dialog gives us a lounge lashing worse than anyone ever could. Our bodies respond by refusing to sleep or becoming ill, or flushed. Our heart tightens and squeezes. Slowly and insidiously we start to hate ourselves and doubt ourselves and punish ourselves. We over-eat or drink. We stay out late. We start a cycle of destructive behavior. Don’t believe me? You don’t have to go on a weekend bender that ends with wrapping your car around a tree. We do it all sorts of ways.
We drink a bottle of wine.
We gobble down a 1/2 gallon of ice-cream in a sitting.
We take our anger out on those closest to us.
We stay stuck in our head and are plagued by insomnia.
We go on a shopping spree.
We withdrawn from the world.
We stay out all night.
We refuse to shower or bathe or change our clothes.
We let our homes get messy.
Any of this starting to sound familiar?
Yeah. Me too. Trust me, you aren’t the only one.
It is time to let go of those mistakes and the only way to do that is through forgiveness.
Stop suffering. Stop hating yourself. Stop with the destructive behavior and just be kind and forgiving.
Well how the hell am I suppose to do that?
The same way you went about asking the offended for forgiveness. You apologize.
You apologize to yourself.
You can write a letter of forgiveness to yourself.
You can have a conversation with yourself, from your heart.
You can seek out your religious leaders and ask for their help.
The bottom line is this, if you want to stop feeling so fucking shitty and shift from self-loathing to self-acceptance and self-love, then you must do this work and forgive.
When done correctly the self-destructive patterns will start to disappear. Why? Because you won’t be punishing yourself anymore. Enough is enough. Put that shit in the past where it belongs and move on – with love. It may start slowly. You may notice that you sleep better (without the wine). You may start taking better care of yourself, your home, the people around you. You may notice a drive to do things that you’ve wanted to do but have been putting off. You may start noticing that you are living your life from a place of love and not from anger, frustration and self-hate.
Forgiveness can do that for you.
This is going to sound like some hippie bull shit, but it is the truth:
So, my sweet souls, get your asses in gear and start the journey of self-forgiveness. Even if you fucked up so royally that the other person can’t forgive you, you will only move on when your forgive yourself. Let them deal with their own feelings. You’ve done all you can. It’s time to start fresh. They will catch up on their own timeline.
You deserve to be happy. You deserve to live from a place of self-love and self-acceptance. You deserve forgiveness.
Now go and give it to yourself.
That is all.