written February 24, 2015 Isn't it funny how we bullshit ourselves into thinking that "If I only knew WHY" or "If I only knew HOW" then I could do X, Y, or Z? If I only knew WHY he left me, then I could understand and move on. If I knew HOW to let go of my issues I would do it in a heartbeat. If I knew WHY my marriage failed then I can keep it from happening … [Read more...]
This Stop: Funky Town
Written February 19, 2015 Right now I'm in a funk. I'm not talking metaphorically either. I actually smell. It's been almost a week since I've taken a shower and all the things that go with that simple task (like changing clothes, brushing my hair, putting on make-up, changing my drawers). Funk-eee Town. ((gasp)) For the love of God. Seriously? GROSS. I keep asking … [Read more...]
Hurt, Grief, And All That Fun Stuff
Written January 22, 2015 This whole being angry thing is really starting to piss me off. Enough already. I think I'm done with it. I think it is time to let that anger go and deal with what is underneath. You know, hurt and grief and all that fun stuff. It hurts to hurt. It saddens me to be sad. Just allow it. Let it flow through you. Yeah, I'm trying. Sometimes it … [Read more...]
Mad Tears
Written January 21, 2015 Your blood boils. Your fists clench. You raise your voice. You say some not so nice things. You look at the other person and dare them to contradict you. They do. You storm out of the room. Doors slam. And then you find yourself crying. Mad tears, I call them. They stream down your face and make your nose run and you turn into a dramatic mess. Well, … [Read more...]
Anger, Anger All Around A Not A Smile Or Wink
Written January 19, 2015 The more I venture into the waters of my consciousness the more I’m aware of how polluted they are. Contaminated by the limiting beliefs of others that I allow to exist there. I could scoop em out. I could deny their existence (cuz I’m the only one experiencing their reality, anyway) but instead, I just sit and watch them float around and pollute … [Read more...]
I Don’t Really Like My Mom
Written September 10, 2014 Oh Lord, this woman! First she’s pissed at God and now she doesn’t like her mom? Her MOTHER? The woman who gave birth to her? Tsk. Tsk. What a shame. Yes. I don’t really like my mom. I’m pissed at her too. Go. Figure. Now I know, there are two sides to every coin and every story, but my mom is dead so the only side you’re gonna hear is … [Read more...]
Pissed.
Written September 9, 2014 I am 42 years old. I am angry at God. There I said it. I AM ANGRY AT GOD. Angry. ANGRY. ANGRY. Not just a little bit angry either. I’m furious. And I’m ashamed of my fury. Who am I to be angry with God? “I’m me!” that’s who. I’m his child, a child of God and I’m mad at him for not being a good parent... for not taking care of me. For turning … [Read more...]